Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Red State Pop Culture

If you look at the pop charts, you will see that red state entertainment is predominant. As Rolling Stone pointed out in their latest issue, red state rock is tops on Billboard. Hinder and Nickelback are popular in places like Missouri and Iowa. Red state comedy is nothing to sneeze at either. Larry the Cable Guy made more money on the road than any other comic last year.

So why are the top blogs serving only the coastal elite? Here's a look at what some of the biggest blogs on the Internet would look like if they threw on some red state rouge.

Stereogum would become Stereogun: Instead of focusing on indie rock, Stereogun would have nothing in common with the popular music blog except for the Britney gossip. Here's a sample of Stereogun:


I reckon Britney better worship Rumsfeld like Jessica Simpson. Shoot.

Instead of Boing Boing we would have Bang Bang: Like Stereogun, Bang Bang would be more focused than Boing Boing. While the latter looks at antique pop curios, awesome mods and all sorts of wonderful things, Bang Bang would only look at racist antiques and incredible crystal meth lab mods.

HOWTO: Build A Meth Lab Out Of A Cardboard Box Of Jimmy Dean Sausage And An Oak Ridge Boys AudioCassette


Gawker, the hip New York City gossip blog, would be Goober, the blog with the hottest rural gossip.


My sister Audrey caught my neighbor Betty Jane Bilson - a nurse at St. Andrew's Hospital - at the beach with that Hindoo doctor Sanjay Khali, or as we call him, Dr. Caca. Nancy at Piggly Wiggly saw PTA superbitch Martha Anne Murtaugh's son smoking crack behind the Roy Rogers that closed down on Rt. 875. (More inside)

Finally, Overheard in New York would turn into Overheard in Nashville


Man #1: So did you read that Faulkner novel I gave you?
Man #2: Yessum.
#1: And?
#2: Well I stopped reading it. I reckoned if it could read the thoughts of all those characters what if it read my own thoughts?
#1: It did. That's why there's a blank page at the end of the book. Hyuk hyuk.

1 comment:

Cibbuano said...

I'm so sick of needing a plate to eat my pancakes and sausages. Finally! On a stick!

And the chocolate chips? That's just a little bit of heaven right there.

You're going to try it, right?